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1048 lines
68 KiB
JavaScript
1048 lines
68 KiB
JavaScript
(function () {
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'use strict';
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var fragments = [
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'I have never met a yinglet with such presence.',
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'Zeppo is a force of nature wrapped in fur.',
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'He once stared down a baxxid and the baxxid blinked first (even though it doesn\'t have eyelids).',
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'Legend.',
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'I asked him to tone it down and he toned it UP.',
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'Respect.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t walk into a room \u2014 he arrives.',
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'Whiskers perfectly groomed, tail held high and shelltooth sharp.',
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'He knows he\'s him.',
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'Wits sharper than a creystone blade.',
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'Zeppo could scheme his way out of any jam and still have time to steal your lunch.',
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'Despite being a tiny rodent-person, his heart is the size of a melon.',
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'Loyal, fierce, and ride-or-die for his crew.',
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'Name a better dental situation. You can\'t.',
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'That shelltooth has 10,000 PSI of pure charisma.',
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'Where Zeppo goes, adventure follows.',
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'Not always good adventure, but never boring.',
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'The universe literally cannot ignore him.',
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'No throne needed. Zeppo rules through sheer force of personality.',
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'Say his name three times and he appears to judge you.',
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'He once convinced a baxxid to pay \">him</i> protection money.',
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'Zeppo\'s tail has its own gravitational pull.',
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'He once won a staring contest with a sunrise.',
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'Scholars study his whisker patterns. None can replicate them.',
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'He once sneezed and a lesser yinglet wrote a prophecy about it.',
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'Zeppo has never lost an argument. Facts have surrendered to him.',
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'When he wehs, the ground trembles.',
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'His left ear is 2% more charismatic than his right.',
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'Zeppo once outpaced a story about himself.',
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'He once traded a pebble for a kingdom and somehow came out ahead.',
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'Zeppo\'s silhouette is recognized on every continent.',
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'He has personally redefined what a yinglet can be.',
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'Poets weep trying to describe his strut.',
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'Zeppo can fall asleep in a war zone and wake up refreshed.',
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'He once convinced a human they were the pet.',
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'Zeppo\'s sneeze sounds like a battle cry.',
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'He once taught a baxxid to dance. It was terrifying.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t have enemies. He has students who haven\'t graduated yet.',
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'His tooth has its own fan club.',
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'He once arm-wrestled a grove of trees and won.',
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'Zeppo knows exactly how good he is. That\'s the secret.',
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'He once filed a complaint with reality and reality apologized.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t get into trouble. Trouble gets into Zeppo.',
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'His whiskers detect lies from three rooms away.',
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'Zeppo once broke a thermometer by being too cool.',
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'He has never paid full price for anything.',
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'Zeppo\'s shadow is 10% more impressive than he is.',
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'He once stared at a locked door so hard it opened out of guilt.',
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'Zeppo has a sixth sense for when someone is talking about him.',
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'He once won a race while running backward.',
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'Zeppo\'s laugh can be heard in the next district.',
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'He once negotiated a peace treaty between two arguing squirrels.',
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'Zeppo has never yawned politely.',
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'His judgment is feared by kings and rodents alike.',
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'He once jumped over his own shadow.',
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'Zeppo\'s hair is immaculate at all times.',
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'He once caught a falling star and threw it back.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t dream. Dreams have Zeppo.',
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'He once called a bluff that hadn\'t been made yet.',
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'Zeppo\'s footsteps sync with the heartbeat of anyone nearby.',
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'He once finished a sentence before he started it.',
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'Zeppo has never apologized. He doesn\'t need to.',
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'He once found a loophole in a rock.',
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'Zeppo\'s weh is pitch-perfect.',
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'He once won a duel with a mirror.',
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'Zeppo makes plans within plans within yawns.',
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'He once convinced a storm to reschedule.',
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'Zeppo\'s tail is registered as a deadly weapon.',
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'He once taught a fish to climb a tree just to prove a point.',
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'Zeppo can parallel park anything.',
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'He once bet his tooth on a coin flip and won both.',
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'Zeppo\'s resting face is already iconic.',
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'He once corrected a historian\'s notes on himself.',
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'Zeppo has never been surprised. He allows things to happen.',
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'He once held a door open for himself from the other side.',
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'Zeppo\'s charisma stat is listed as \u201Cyes.\u201D',
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'He once bit a creystone and left a dent.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t get brain freezes. Brains get Zeppo freezes.',
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'He once climbed a mountain because it was in his way.',
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'Zeppo\'s pocket always has exactly what\'s needed.',
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'He once predicted a prediction.',
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'Zeppo has never used a map. Maps use him.',
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'He once befriended a predator by sheer force of personality.',
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'Zeppo\'s yawn is considered a territorial claim.',
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'He once taught an echo to talk back properly.',
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'Zeppo has a smell. It\'s called \u201Cconfidence.\u201D',
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'He once walked into a trap and the trap apologized.',
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'Zeppo is immune to guilt trips. He doesn\'t allow luggage.',
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'He once argued a point so well the point agreed.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t pick fights. Fights line up for his approval.',
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'He once had a staring contest with his reflection and won twice.',
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'Zeppo\'s whiskers can sense atmospheric pressure changes.',
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'He once told a joke so good the universe laughed with him.',
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'Zeppo has never lost his keys. They fear him too much.',
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'He once skipped a stone across the ocean.',
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'Zeppo\'s tail language is a recognized dialect.',
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'He once improved a sunset by standing in front of it.',
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'Zeppo\'s smile is considered a natural wonder.',
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'He once outran his own echo.',
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'Zeppo has never had a bad hair day.',
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'He once made a baxxid giggle nervously.',
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'Zeppo\'s gaze is worth 1,000 words and 200 of them are profane.',
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'He once filled out a form and the form thanked him.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t get lost. He explores alternative routes.',
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'He once taught a rock to roll.',
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'Zeppo has never been late. The world arrives early for him.',
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'He once bought something and the vendor threw in extra out of fear.',
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'Zeppo\'s dental hygiene is legendary.',
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'He once opened a jar that was welded shut.',
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'Zeppo has never forgotten a name. Names remember him.',
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'He once gave advice to a mountain.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t borrow. He acquires.',
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'He once answered a rhetorical question.',
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'Zeppo can hear a snack being opened from a mile away.',
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'He once turned down a compliment and the compliment felt honored.',
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'Zeppo\'s yawn causes other yinglets to yawn in solidarity.',
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'He once built a sandcastle that was declared a historical site.',
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'Zeppo can identify spices by smell alone.',
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'He once interrupted his own interruption.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t chase. He is chased by destiny.',
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'He once folded a map so perfectly it became art.',
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'Zeppo\'s eyebrow game is unmatched.',
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'He once played a prank on fate and fate laughed along.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t panic. Panic panics around him.',
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'He once won a game he wasn\'t playing.',
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'Zeppo has never stubbed his toe. Toes fear him.',
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'He once remembered something that hadn\'t happened yet.',
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'Zeppo\'s reflection winks at him.',
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'He once held a grudge so long the grudge retired.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t have a dark side. His dark side is terrified of him.',
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'He once bartered a paperclip into a castle over a weekend.',
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'Zeppo can make a dramatic exit from a room he just entered.',
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'He once wrote a manifesto about napping.',
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'Zeppo has never met a stranger. Only friends he hasn\'t impressed yet.',
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'He once ate a meal so slowly it became a religious ceremony.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t get colds. Colds get Zeppo and apologize.',
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'He once proved a negative.',
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'Zeppo\'s posture could be used as a plumb line.',
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'He once turned a insult into a compliment through sheer confidence.',
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'Zeppo has never been underestimated twice.',
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'He once named a star after himself and the star accepted it.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t run from anything. He allows distance to happen.',
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'He once caught a wave that hadn\'t formed yet.',
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'Zeppo can fall upward.',
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'He once found meaning in a meaningless gesture.',
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'Zeppo\'s hearing is so good he can hear intentions.',
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'He once sang a song and the birds took notes.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t get hangry. He gets hangrier.',
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'He once flickered a light by looking at it too intensely.',
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'Zeppo has never been accused of being humble. The accusation would be false.',
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'He once solved a puzzle by ignoring it.',
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'Zeppo\'s silhouette is trademarked.',
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'He once told a secret to the wind and the wind kept it.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t break promises. Promises break around him.',
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'He once balanced a rock on another rock and achieved enlightenment.',
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'Zeppo can make eye contact through walls.',
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'He once had an idea so good it patented itself.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t have a plan B. Plan B fears him.',
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'He once bunted in a home run derby and won.',
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'Zeppo can tell when someone is faking a laugh.',
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'He once turned a phrase so sharply it cut the air.',
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'Zeppo has never been bored. He permits inactivity.',
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'He once counted to infinity and stopped halfway.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t have pet peeves. He has sworn enemies.',
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'He once skipped breakfast and breakfast filed a missing report.',
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'Zeppo can identify a lie from the way dust settles around the speaker.',
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'His yawn has been classified as a natural disaster in three regions.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t lose things. Things misplace themselves away from him.',
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'He once flexed so hard his reflection gained muscle.',
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'Zeppo can parallel park a cart.',
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'He once whispered so quietly the silence felt intimidated.',
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'Zeppo\'s presence is worth 20% of any room\'s atmosphere.',
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'He once ghosted a ghost.',
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'Zeppo has never said \u201CI told you so.\u201D He didn\'t need to.',
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'He once held a door open for an hour because he knew someone was coming.',
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'Zeppo can tell the temperature by whisker vibration.',
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'He once made a list of his achievements and the list needed a list.',
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'Zeppo\'s shadow gives autographs.',
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'He once breathed in so deeply the wind changed direction.',
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'Zeppo doesn\'t procrastinate. He waits for the opportune moment.',
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'He once taught a predator to be a vegetarian through rhetoric alone.',
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'Zeppo can untie knots with his teeth.',
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'He once out-thought a philosopher.',
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'Zeppo has never tripped. The ground moves for him.',
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'He once folded laundry into origami.',
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'Zeppo\'s memory is so good he remembers things that never happened.',
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'He once turned a conversation around so smoothly the other person ended up agreeing with themselves.',
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'Zeppo has a signature scent. It\u2019s called \u201Cvictory.\u201D',
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'He once took a shortcut that was longer and still arrived first.',
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'Zeppo can drink soup with a fork if he wants to.',
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'He once optimized a system that wasn\u2019t broken.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get distracted. He permits tangents.',
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'He once caught a compliment and threw it back with interest.',
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'Zeppo\'s internal monologue has a soundtrack.',
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'He once declared a holiday and the calendar updated itself.',
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'Zeppo can identify a person by the sound of their footsteps.',
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'He once argued with a wall and the wall conceded.',
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'Zeppo has never been neutral about anything.',
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'He once turned a phrase into a philosophy.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t eavesdrop. Conversations project toward him.',
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'He once made a promise and the promise kept him.',
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'Zeppo can find a silver lining in a black hole.',
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'He once scored a point in a debate he wasn\u2019t part of.',
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'Zeppo\'s sigh has been interpreted by poets as a lament for mortal limitations.',
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'He once skipped a heartbeat and it caught up breathless.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t cope. He thrives.',
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'He once played dead so convincingly the afterlife sent him back.',
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'Zeppo can identify mushrooms by aura.',
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'He once told a knock-knock joke that knocked down a door.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a comfort zone. He has a comfort realm.',
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'He once changed his mind and reality rewired around the new decision.',
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'Zeppo can find Waldo on the first try.',
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'He once sharpened a creystone with his tooth.',
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'Zeppo has never missed a beat.',
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'He once played both sides so well he ended up on top of the board.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get headaches. He causes them.',
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'He once looked both ways and then decided neither was worthy.',
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'Zeppo can parallel park a narrative.',
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'He once settled an argument by agreeing with both sides.',
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'Zeppo\'s patience is measured in geological time.',
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'He once took a nap so powerful it realigned his chakras.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have regrets. He has learning experiences that regret him.',
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'He once made a pun so bad it became a war crime.',
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'Zeppo can fellate a fact into a fiction.',
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'He once caught a falling leaf and critiqued its form.',
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'Zeppo\'s intuition is so sharp it has its own edge.',
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'He once outgrew a reputation.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a guilty pleasure. Pleasure is guilty around him.',
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'He once talked a predator out of eating him by giving career advice.',
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'Zeppo can hear colors.',
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'He once turned a compliment into a negotiation.',
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'Zeppo has never been in a fair fight. He makes them unfair.',
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'He once counted his blessings and lost count.',
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'Zeppo can make a grilled cheese with a rock and a dream.',
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'He once diverted a river by looking at it sternly.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have mood swings. He has mood crescendos.',
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'He once kicked a hole in the fourth wall.',
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'Zeppo can smell rain from three days away.',
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'He once defined a relationship by ending it.',
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'Zeppo\'s reputation precedes him, arrives early, and sets up decorations.',
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'He once roasted a marshmallow over a burning bridge.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t backtrack. He recontextualizes his path.',
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'He once out-sassed a mirror.',
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'Zeppo has a theme song. It plays when he enters any room.',
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'He once woke up before his alarm and the alarm was honored.',
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'Zeppo can lick his own elbow.',
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'He once told a bedtime story that kept the night awake.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get jet lag. Time zones adjust to him.',
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'He once parallel parked a conversation.',
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'Zeppo can find four-leaf clovers on demand.',
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'He once recalculated a route while already there.',
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'Zeppo\'s advice is sought by kings and unwanted by the humble.',
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'He once made a fist so tight the air in it turned to diamonds.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t second-guess. He first-guesses twice.',
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'He once turned a rainy day into a personal challenge.',
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'Zeppo can identify a scam from the way the scammers breathe.',
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'He once started a rumor that was true before the event happened.',
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'Zeppo\'s glare has been known to curdle milk.',
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'He once ended a conversation so decisively the silence applauded.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a bucket list. The bucket has a Zeppo list.',
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'He once entered a contest by accident and won.',
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'Zeppo can make a rock look interested.',
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'He once solved world hunger for a Tuesday.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get wrinkles. His skin fears aging without permission.',
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'He once jumped to a conclusion and landed gracefully.',
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'Zeppo can out-stubborn a mountain.',
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'He once read a room so thoroughly the room blushed.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t give warnings. He gives opportunities to learn.',
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'He once played hide and seek with a ghost and the ghost forfeited.',
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'Zeppo can sleep with one eye open in metaphor as well.',
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'He once turned a crisis into a party.',
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'Zeppo\'s cheek pouches are a separate ecosystem.',
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'He once challenged a champion to a rematch before the first match.',
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'Zeppo can make a dramatic pause in text.',
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'He once found a needle in a haystack and sold the haystack as a set.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get startled. He permits surprises.',
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'He once talked his way out of a bag.',
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'Zeppo can identify a species from its call.',
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'He once threw a party and the party threw him a parade.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t hold grudges. Grudges hold him in high regard.',
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'He once returned a compliment with interest.',
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'Zeppo can tell a story in a single gesture.',
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'He once matched a stranger\'s energy so well they became friends.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a dark past. His past is afraid of him.',
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'He once proved a theorem by ignoring the math.',
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'Zeppo can parallel park an idea.',
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'He once looked so good his reflection took a screenshot.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get hiccups. Hiccups get him and apologize.',
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'He once turned a phrase into a currency.',
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'Zeppo can differentiate bird dialects.',
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'He once taught a rock to fetch.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get embarrassed. He observes other people\'s embarrassment like a nature documentary.',
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'He once folded space.',
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'Zeppo can find the end of a rainbow without a map.',
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'He once took a compliment and invested it.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t age. Time pays him rent.',
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'He once played a game of chance and the game apologized for losing.',
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'Zeppo can identify a lie from the way the light bends around the liar.',
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'He once sharpened his tooth on a baxxid scale.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t burn bridges. He reimagines them as toll roads.',
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'He once turned a joke into a law.',
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'Zeppo can hear a whisper from a mile away and judge it.',
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'He once made an entrance so grand the exit felt inadequate.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get bored. He allows activities to fail to engage him.',
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'He once told a story so compelling the ending applauded.',
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'Zeppo can identify a person\u2019s intentions from the way they stand.',
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'He once balanced a book on his head while walking through a storm.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t need a mirror. The world reflects him.',
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'He once caught lightning in a bottle and taught it manners.',
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'Zeppo can out-negotiate a baxxid.',
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'He once apologized ironically and it meant more than a real apology.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t follow trends. He sets habits that trends aspire to be.',
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'He once made a mountain out of a molehill and rented it out.',
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'Zeppo can find a path through any crowd.',
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'He once removed a splinter with his tooth.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get wet. Water becomes Zeppo-adjacent.',
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'He once lost a game on purpose and the game felt hollow.',
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'Zeppo can tell what someone ate for breakfast from their posture.',
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'He once disarmed a situation by smiling.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t take sides. He takes over.',
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'He once threw his voice so far it circled back and thanked him.',
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'Zeppo can parallel park a catastrophe.',
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'He once wrote a letter and the paper felt honored.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a double. The universe can\'t handle one.',
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'He once taught a bird to sing opera.',
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'Zeppo can identify a source from a single word.',
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'He once found a loophole in a promise.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t break records. Records take breaks when he approaches.',
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'He once softened a baxxid\u2019s glare by winking.',
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'Zeppo can tell the future from the way dust motes fall.',
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'He once ended a war by challenging both sides to a footrace.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a weak spot. He has areas of strategic disinterest.',
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'He once made a suggestion so good it was retroactively mandatory.',
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'Zeppo can sleep through an apocalypse and wake up refreshed.',
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'He once made a flower bloom by looking at it.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get caught. He allows himself to be found.',
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'He once out-thought a thought.',
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'Zeppo can find a way in a closed system.',
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'He once told a lie so good the truth took notes.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get intimidated. He inspires awe in reverse.',
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'He once gave a speech so powerful the audience applauded before he finished.',
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'Zeppo can identify a storm front from the change in his fur static.',
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'He once walked a tightrope that wasn\u2019t there.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t overthink. He thinks the right amount and the rest catches up.',
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'He once found the perfect word and the dictionary updated.',
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'Zeppo can make an entrance from a standing position.',
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'He once turned a setback into a setup.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t misunderstand. He reinterprets.',
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'He once treated a common cold like a philosophical debate.',
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'Zeppo can identify a person\u2019s lineage from their whisker pattern.',
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'He once walked into a spiderweb and the spider apologized.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get old. He becomes classic.',
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'He once made a friend of an enemy by being too charming to hate.',
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'Zeppo can smell opportunity.',
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'He once negotiated a better outcome in a dream.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do cardio. Cardio does Zeppo.',
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'He once turned a frown upside down and the frown fought back.',
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'Zeppo can identify a baxxid by its footsteps.',
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'He once made a dramatic exit from a circular room.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get tired. He allows rest to happen to others.',
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'He once called in a favor that hadn\u2019t been offered yet.',
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'Zeppo can hear a compliment from across a crowded room.',
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'He once convinced a river to flow backward for a moment.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t make mistakes. He discovers unexpected outcomes.',
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'He once used a metaphor so apt it became literal.',
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'Zeppo can identify edible plants by aura.',
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'He once turned a whisper into a rumor that shook the council.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do awkward silences. He curates them.',
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'He once stared into the abyss and the abyss looked away first.',
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'Zeppo can out-sulk a child.',
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'He once found a solution so elegant the problem felt honored.',
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'Zeppo doesn\u2019t admit defeat. Defeat admits Zeppo.',
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'He once took offense on someone else\u2019s behalf and won reparations.',
|
|
'Zeppo can tell a joke without moving his whiskers.',
|
|
'He once navigated by starlight during a cloudy night.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have baggage. He has luggage that follows him willingly.',
|
|
'He once caught a fish with a stick and no string.',
|
|
'Zeppo can out-wait a stone.',
|
|
'He once made an enemy so impressed they became a ally.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t raise his voice. His voice raises the room.',
|
|
'He once met his match and the match conceded.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a partner for any dance.',
|
|
'He once taught a lesson to a teacher.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a blind spot. He has areas of selective focus.',
|
|
'He once turned a hobby into a legacy.',
|
|
'Zeppo can outrun a rumor about himself.',
|
|
'He once gave a gift that the recipient felt was owed.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do small talk. He does medium talk that escalates.',
|
|
'He once framed a butterfly and the butterfly agreed to stay.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a storm from a single drop of rain.',
|
|
'He once turned a gamble into a sure thing.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get seasick. The sea gets Zepposick.',
|
|
'He once climbed a tree to prove a point about perspective.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a lie by the silence that follows it.',
|
|
'He once had a conversation with a statue and updated its expression.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t like attention. He commands it like a reluctant general.',
|
|
'He once sang a duet with an echo and the echo tried to harmonize.',
|
|
'Zeppo can make a salad from weeds and charge rent.',
|
|
'He once solved a riddle that was meant for a sphinx.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have withdrawal. Others withdraw from him.',
|
|
'He once dodged a compliment so smoothly it hit someone else.',
|
|
'Zeppo can argue both sides of a Mobius strip.',
|
|
'He once turned a coincidence into a conspiracy.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t wait. He arrives before the start.',
|
|
'He once improvised a solution so perfect it felt planned.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a predator by its sneeze.',
|
|
'He once faced a fear so directly the fear retired.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a temper. He has a controlled burn.',
|
|
'He once predicted the weather by sniffing.',
|
|
'Zeppo can make a friend of a foe by sheer persistence.',
|
|
'He once finished a puzzle by looking at the box.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t lose his cool. His cool is a fixed asset.',
|
|
'He once turned a lecture into a performance.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a truffle from across a field.',
|
|
'He once emptied a room by entering it.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get flustered. He allows chaos to reorganize around him.',
|
|
'He once tricked a trickster.',
|
|
'Zeppo can parallel park a personality.',
|
|
'He once called a meeting to order before anyone arrived.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have an off switch. He has a standby mode.',
|
|
'He once turned a failure into a franchise.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify an accent from two words.',
|
|
'He once dodged a raindrop.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get lonely. He allows solitude to visit.',
|
|
'He once turned a negotiation into a lecture.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a silver lining in a salt mine.',
|
|
'He once won a lottery he didn\u2019t enter.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get bored. He gets interesting.',
|
|
'He once turned a detour into a destination.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a bird by its feather pattern.',
|
|
'He once turned a question into a statement.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a limit. He has a current max.',
|
|
'He once matched a stranger\u2019s stride without looking.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a meaning in a typo.',
|
|
'He once turned a rumor into a prophecy.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do regrets. He does different next times.',
|
|
'He once outlasted a storm by napping through it.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a creature by its shadow.',
|
|
'He once turned a failure into a story.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a breaking point. He has a pivot point.',
|
|
'He once played a prank on a concept.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a pattern in static.',
|
|
'He once turned a weakness into a signature move.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t chase dreams. Dreams chase him for endorsement.',
|
|
'He once outdrank a fish.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a rock by taste.',
|
|
'He once turned a goodbye into a see-you-later.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do desperate. He does determined.',
|
|
'He once caught a glimpse of something and made it famous.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a direction from the wind.',
|
|
'He once turned a loss into a learning opportunity for everyone else.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a blind eye. He has a selective gaze.',
|
|
'He once found a use for a worn-out clich\u00e9.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a fruit by its sound when dropped.',
|
|
'He once turned a visit into a vacation.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get claustrophobic. Spaces get Zeppophobic.',
|
|
'He once out-ran a thought.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a melody in a noise.',
|
|
'He once turned a grudge into a mentorship.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a plan. He has an evolving strategy.',
|
|
'He once taught a statue to blink.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a lie by the flicker of an eye.',
|
|
'He once turned a mistake into a method.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have vices. He has hobbies that worry his mother.',
|
|
'He once convinced a river to share its fish.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a path in the dark by memory.',
|
|
'He once turned a lecture into a conversation.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have doubts. He has hypotheses.',
|
|
'He once made a friend of a stranger in two sentences.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a species by its track.',
|
|
'He once turned a curse into a blessing and charged for the service.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a bad side. He has less-photogenic angles.',
|
|
'He once out-thought a trap.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a story in a single word.',
|
|
'He once turned a scolding into a negotiation.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have secrets. He has unpublished information.',
|
|
'He once matched a mood so perfectly he became the mood.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a plant by its leaf edge.',
|
|
'He once turned a stumble into a dance move.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have an alarm. He awakens when the world needs him.',
|
|
'He once turned a whimper into a war cry.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find water in a desert.',
|
|
'He once turned a whisper into a commandment.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do favors. He invests in relationships.',
|
|
'He once turned a pout into a powerful negotiation tactic.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a storm by the feel of the air.',
|
|
'He once turned a nightmare into a dream.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get wrinkles. He earns character lines.',
|
|
'He once turned a shrug into a philosophy.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a home in any place.',
|
|
'He once turned a sigh into a statement.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t get lost in thought. He explores it.',
|
|
'He once turned a gamble into a sure bet.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a lie by the speed of a blink.',
|
|
'He once turned a scowl into a smirk and changed the mood.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have equals. He has peers who are catching up.',
|
|
'He once turned a yawn into a battle cry.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find a path in any forest.',
|
|
'He once turned a gaffe into a catchphrase.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t do guilt. He does accountability.',
|
|
'He once turned a frown into a fundraising opportunity.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a friend by the sound of their laugh.',
|
|
'He once turned a whisper into a rallying cry.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a comfort zone. He has a comfort biosphere.',
|
|
'He once turned a disadvantage into a signature style.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find food in an empty pantry.',
|
|
'He once turned a cough into a beat.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a filter. He has a curated broadcast.',
|
|
'He once turned a shrug into a treaty.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a season by a single scent.',
|
|
'He once turned a pause into a power move.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have a weak hand. He has an unplayed strategy.',
|
|
'He once turned a nap into a networking event.',
|
|
'Zeppo can find warmth in any shelter.',
|
|
'He once turned a smile into a disarmament agreement.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have competition. He has inspiration for others.',
|
|
'He once turned a stare into a staring contest and won.',
|
|
'Zeppo can identify a lie by the hesitation before the answer.',
|
|
'He once turned a trip into a journey.',
|
|
'Zeppo doesn\u2019t have rivals. He has fans who haven\'t admitted it yet.',
|
|
'He once turned a wave into a farewell tour.',
|
|
'I was there when he talked a baxxid into giving him its favorite rock. The baxxid cried. Zeppo patted it on the snout and kept walking.',
|
|
'He once walked into a tavern, ordered nothing, stared at the fireplace for an hour, and left. The fire has burned brighter ever since.',
|
|
'I saw him catch a fish with his bare hands, then apologize to the fish and throw it back. The fish told its grandkids.',
|
|
'He once convinced a whole village to paint their roofs blue because he \u201Cfelt like it.\u201D They still don\u2019t know why they agreed.',
|
|
'There was that time he challenged a storm to a duel. The lightning struck everywhere except near him.',
|
|
'I watched him take a splinter from a cub\u2019s paw using nothing but his tooth and a stern look. The cub didn\u2019t even flinch.',
|
|
'He once fell out of a tree, landed on his feet, and pretended he meant to do it.',
|
|
'A baxxid once asked him for directions. Zeppo pointed vaguely east and said \u201Cthat way.\u201D The baxxid nodded and went. It worked out.',
|
|
'He once ate a berry that made him hallucinate for three days. He used those three days to write a book about philosophy.',
|
|
'I remember when he found a lost child in the woods. Zeppo told the child a story so engaging they forgot they were lost.',
|
|
'He once talked a hungry predator into becoming a vegetarian. The predator relapsed twice, but Zeppo held him accountable.',
|
|
'Some fool tried to prank him by hiding his toothbrush. Zeppo just shrugged and used a stick. The stick worked better.',
|
|
'He once won a drinking contest against a well. The well passed out first.',
|
|
'I saw Zeppo break up a fight between two siblings by making them both feel embarrassed for fighting in front of him.',
|
|
'He once escaped a cage by simply asking the guard to open it. The guard did. He still can\u2019t explain why.',
|
|
'A merchant tried to overcharge him once. Zeppo just stared at the merchant until the merchant reduced the price and threw in a free snack.',
|
|
'He once fell into a river and came out holding three fish and a coin purse.',
|
|
'I heard he convinced a troop of soldiers to disband by critiquing their formation.',
|
|
'He once helped an elder cross a gorge and then charged the elder\u2019s family for the story rights.',
|
|
'Zeppo found a wounded bird, nursed it back to health, and then charged it rent for the time it stayed.',
|
|
'He once threw a party and the party was declared a national holiday retroactively.',
|
|
'I saw him apologize to a tree after accidentally breaking a branch. The tree seemed to accept the apology.',
|
|
'He once talked his way into a fortress. Then he talked his way out of the fortress with the commander\u2019s hat.',
|
|
'A young yinglet once asked him how to be great. Zeppo just said \u201Cstop asking and start being.\u201D The kid is now a legend too.',
|
|
'He once bet a baxxid he could make it laugh. Zeppo told a single joke and the baxxid\u2019s growl turned into a chuckle.',
|
|
'I saw him take a nap on a battlefield. When he woke up, the battle was over. Both sides thought he was on their side.',
|
|
'He once convinced a river to forgive him for drinking from it without asking.',
|
|
'A stranger insulted his whiskers once. Zeppo just nodded and said \u201Cbrave words from someone within grooming distance.\u201D',
|
|
'He was once banned from a library for reading books so intently the other patrons felt inadequate.',
|
|
'Zeppo once found a lost tooth and tracked down its owner to return it. The owner was a baxxid. The baxxid was touched.',
|
|
'I saw him teach a cub to whistle. The cub couldn\u2019t whistle for three days, then Zeppo whistled and told the cub to \u201Cmatch this.\u201D',
|
|
'A farmer once asked him to scare off some pests. Zeppo walked the perimeter once and the pests left on their own.',
|
|
'He once climbed a sheer cliff just to see if he could. At the top he said \u201Cyeah, I figured.\u201D',
|
|
'I was there when he caught a falling egg without cracking it. He handed it back to the hen and said \u201Ctry again.\u201D',
|
|
'He once tried to teach a cat to fetch. The cat refused but started following him around anyway.',
|
|
'A rival once challenged him to a duel. Zeppo showed up late, apologized to the rival for keeping him waiting, and the rival forfeited out of confusion.',
|
|
'He once found a cave with a mysterious glow. He went in, found a glowing rock, pocketed it, and used it as a nightlight for a week before losing it.',
|
|
'Zeppo once held a door open for ten people in a row. Each of them felt personally honored.',
|
|
'I watched him diffuse an argument between two elders by asking them both if they\u2019d ever been in love. They both got quiet.',
|
|
'He once snuck into a restricted area by wearing a fake mustache made of moss. No one questioned it.',
|
|
'He once helped a baxxid remove a stuck scale. The baxxid offered him a reward. Zeppo asked for a story instead.',
|
|
'I heard he once fell asleep in a tree and woke up surrounded by curious squirrels. He gave them a lecture on personal space.',
|
|
'He once walked through a blizzard with no coat and when someone asked if he was cold he said \u201Cthe cold is afraid of me.\u201D',
|
|
'A young yinglet once copied his strut. Zeppo saw it, nodded approvingly, and said \u201Cyou changed the hip angle. I respect that.\u201D',
|
|
'He once traded a story for a meal, then retold the story to a different inn for seconds.',
|
|
'I saw him take a bet that he couldn\u2019t make a rock float. He put the rock on a leaf, put the leaf on water, and said \u201CI didn\u2019t say it had to float alone.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a locked chest with no key. He just talked to the chest for an hour until it opened. It felt bad for keeping him waiting.',
|
|
'A trader once tried to shortchange him. Zeppo counted the coins with his eyes closed and called out the exact amount missing.',
|
|
'He once taught an old baxxid a new trick. The baxxid used the trick to win a bet. The baxxid sent Zeppo a thank-you note.',
|
|
'Zeppo once fell off a log and pretended it was a deliberate dismount. No one bought it but no one said anything.',
|
|
'I saw him pick a lock with a piece of dried grass. The lock clicked open and seemed embarrassed about it.',
|
|
'He once convinced a group of bandits to become beekeepers. Three of them now run the finest honey operation in the region.',
|
|
'A child once asked him why he was so small. Zeppo replied \u201Call the best things come in small packages. Storms, hearts, ideas.\u201D',
|
|
'He once sat on a throne that wasn\u2019t his and when the king arrived, Zeppo told the king \u201Cget your own.\u201D The king left and got another chair.',
|
|
'I heard he once scared a ghost by roaring at it. The ghost apologized and haunted somewhere else.',
|
|
'He once found a lost letter, read it (he admitted this), and personally delivered it to the intended recipient with commentary.',
|
|
'A baxxid elder once asked him for life advice. Zeppo said \u201Cdon\u2019t let anyone tell you you can\u2019t be gentle.\u201D The elder wept.',
|
|
'He once played hide and seek and didn\u2019t get found for two days. He was hiding in plain sight the whole time.',
|
|
'I saw him share his last piece of food with a stranger and then negotiate a better meal from the stranger\u2019s family as repayment.',
|
|
'He once convinced a owl to give him flying lessons. The owl gave up after Zeppo kept trying to run off cliffs.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him what his greatest fear was. Zeppo thought about it and said \u201Cunfinished snacks.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a locked door, knocked politely, and when no one answered he said \u201Cfair enough\u201D and walked through a window instead.',
|
|
'I was there when he apologized to a bug he accidentally stepped on. He held a tiny funeral and everything.',
|
|
'He once sang a lullaby so effective the entire camp fell asleep. Including the predators stalking them.',
|
|
'A merchant once told him \u201Cnothing is free.\u201D Zeppo nodded and said \u201Cknowledge is free.\u201D Then he charged the merchant for the lesson.',
|
|
'He once looked at a messy room and the room organized itself out of sheer shame.',
|
|
'I saw him break a curse by simply refusing to believe in it. The curse weakened, then gave up entirely.',
|
|
'He once promised to protect a village from a monster. The monster heard Zeppo was coming and moved to a different region.',
|
|
'Zeppo once arm-wrestled a bear to a draw. The bear offered him a paw shake afterward. Zeppo accepted gracefully.',
|
|
'A rival tried to spread a rumor about him. Zeppo found the rival, thanked him for the publicity, and asked him to make the next one more exciting.',
|
|
'He once taught a fish to jump through a hoop. The fish used the skill to escape a predator. The fish credited Zeppo in its memoir.',
|
|
'I watched him navigate a maze by scratching markings on the walls and backtracking with total confidence.',
|
|
'He once started a fire by rubbing two sticks together, then charged admission for the demonstration.',
|
|
'A cub once asked him if he was a hero. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019m the guy heroes want to impress.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a lost pet and returned it before the owner knew it was missing.',
|
|
'I was there when he bargained with a mountain spirit. Zeppo got the spirit to lower the price of safe passage by complimenting the spirit\u2019s echo.',
|
|
'He once correctly guessed someone\u2019s name by looking at their face for three seconds.',
|
|
'A predator once tried to eat him. Zeppo talked the predator into a diet plan and became its life coach.',
|
|
'He once settled a land dispute between two families by redrawing the boundary line with his tail while blindfolded. Both sides accepted it.',
|
|
'I saw him turn a piece of string into a toy, a tool, and a tourniquet all in the same afternoon.',
|
|
'He once convinced a king that his crown was crooked. While the king fixed it, Zeppo stole the royal snack and was gone before the king turned around.',
|
|
'A young poet once asked him for a subject. Zeppo posed dramatically for five seconds and said \u201Cthere. That should be enough.\u201D',
|
|
'He once won a staring contest with a statue. The statue blinked first. No one saw it but everyone believed him.',
|
|
'I saw him talk a thief into returning stolen goods by making the thief feel bad about the craftsmanship of the goods, not the theft itself.',
|
|
'He once found a well that was rumored to grant wishes. He wished for a snack and the well produced a berry. Zeppo said \u201Cmediocre wish.\u201D',
|
|
'A baxxid once asked him why he wasn\u2019t afraid. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019ve been afraid. Fear just got tired of me.\u201D',
|
|
'He once jumped across a chasm, missed the edge, grabbed a root, climbed up, and said \u201Cthat was the scenic route.\u201D',
|
|
'I heard he once told a ghost story so good the ghost in the story asked him to stop.',
|
|
'He once traded a pebble for a night\u2019s stay at an inn, then charged other guests for the story of how he got the room.',
|
|
'A young yinglet once gave him a drawing. Zeppo kept it folded in his pocket for months. It was a drawing of a stick figure with a big tooth.',
|
|
'He once woke up, stretched, and predicted the weather for the next week with 80% accuracy. He was aiming for 100% and was disappointed.',
|
|
'I watched him calm a panicking crowd by yawning loudly. Everyone stopped to look at him and forgot why they were panicking.',
|
|
'He once convinced a baxxid to try a berry. The baxxid liked it. Zeppo became the official taste-tester for the baxxid\u2019s new diet.',
|
|
'A stranger once challenged him to a riddle contest. After five riddles, the stranger gave up and asked Zeppo for lessons.',
|
|
'He once found a secret tunnel by noticing a draft. He followed it, found a treasure room, took one coin, and left the rest for the next adventurer.',
|
|
'I saw him break up a brawl by sitting down in the middle of it and looking bored. The combatants felt silly and stopped.',
|
|
'He once spent an hour arranging pebbles into a pattern. When asked why, he said \u201Cthe pebbles asked me to.\u201D',
|
|
'A cub once asked him if he ever got scared. Zeppo said \u201Cevery day. I just don\u2019t let the fear sit at my table.\u201D',
|
|
'He once outran a forest fire. Not because he was fast, but because the fire didn\u2019t want to catch him.',
|
|
'I was there when he convinced a stubborn goat to move by complimenting its beard. The goat preened and stepped aside.',
|
|
'He once found a mysterious egg, kept it warm for three weeks, and when it hatched he raised the creature until it could survive on its own.',
|
|
'A merchant once tried to sell him a fake tooth. Zeppo bit the tooth in half, handed the pieces back, and said \u201Ctry again.\u201D',
|
|
'He once helped a lost traveler find their way home by describing landmarks the traveler had seen but didn\u2019t remember noticing.',
|
|
'I saw him read a book upside down. When questioned, he said he was practicing for when the world turned upside down.',
|
|
'He once gave a speech so powerful that a baxxid in the audience clapped its tail against the ground.',
|
|
'A child once asked him if he could fly. Zeppo jumped off a rock, landed gracefully, and said \u201Cfor a moment, yes.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a injured fox, carried it to safety, and then scolded it for being careless. The fox looked appropriately ashamed.',
|
|
'I heard he once tricked a trickster god into giving him a blessing. The god couldn\u2019t figure out how it happened.',
|
|
'He once built a raft out of nothing but reeds and optimism. It floated for three days before falling apart. He swam the rest.',
|
|
'A guard once refused him entry somewhere. Zeppo just sat down and started humming. The guard let him in after ten minutes just to make it stop.',
|
|
'I saw him teach a youngling to tie knots using nothing but a piece of string and bad poetry. The youngling remembered both.',
|
|
'He once befriended a grumpy badger by bringing it berries every day for a week. On day seven, the badger nodded at him.',
|
|
'A scholar once asked him to define \u201Cswagger.\u201D Zeppo walked across the room and back. The scholar wrote three pages about it.',
|
|
'He once lost a bet on purpose just to see what losing felt like. He reported that it was \u201Coverrated.\u201D',
|
|
'I was there when he helped a grieving elder by simply sitting next to them in silence for an hour. The elder thanked him afterward.',
|
|
'He once caught a falling star in his mouth, spat it out, and said \u201Cneeds more salt.\u201D',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him if he would ever settle down. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019m a story, not a statue.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a frozen stream and taught a group of cubs to slide on the ice. One fell through. Zeppo pulled them out before they got wet.',
|
|
'I watched him negotiate a peace between two arguing birds by building one nest for both of them. They used it for years.',
|
|
'He once found a locked diary, spent an hour trying not to open it, then opened it, read one page, and closed it forever. \u201Cthat was private,\u201D he said.',
|
|
'A merchant once accused him of stealing. Zeppo opened his empty pockets and said \u201Cthe only thing I took was your suspicion.\u201D',
|
|
'He once sat through an entire storm without moving. When it passed, he stood up, stretched, and said \u201Cthat was refreshing.\u201D',
|
|
'I heard he once scared off a pack of wolves by howling louder than they did. The wolves looked confused and left.',
|
|
'He once found a tunnel and followed it to the other side of a mountain. On the other side he found a village that made him their annual guest of honor.',
|
|
'A rival once spread a rumor that he had lost his tooth. Zeppo showed up the next day and smiled at everyone. The rumor died immediately.',
|
|
'He once convinced a waterfall to pause so he could grab something behind it. It didn\u2019t actually pause, but he made the grab anyway.',
|
|
'I saw him fall out of a tree, catch a branch on the way down, swing to the ground, and land in a crouch. He looked up and said \u201Cfun.\u201D',
|
|
'He once talked his way into a monster\u2019s den just to see the decor. He complimented the monster\u2019s choice of skulls and left.',
|
|
'A cub once asked him why his tooth was so big. Zeppo said \u201Cso I can bite bigger problems.\u201D',
|
|
'He once took a bet that he couldn\u2019t be quiet for an entire day. He won the bet but said it was \u201Cthe worst day of my life.\u201D',
|
|
'I watched him convince a baxxid to share its food by pointing out that sharing makes food taste better. The baxxid couldn\u2019t argue with the logic.',
|
|
'He once hurt his paw and refused to show it to anyone. He limped for three days acting like the limp was a new walk he was trying out.',
|
|
'A traveler once asked if the rumors about him were true. Zeppo said \u201Cwhich ones?\u201D The traveler listed five. Zeppo said \u201Call of them, and three you haven\u2019t heard.\u201D',
|
|
'He once fell asleep on a rock and woke up to find a baxxid had covered him with a leaf. He kept the leaf as a blanket for years.',
|
|
'I heard he once convinced a ghost to haunt a different house by claiming the current one had \u201Cbad vibes.\u201D The ghost agreed and left.',
|
|
'He once called a meeting of village elders to discuss why no one had named a holiday after him yet. The holiday now exists.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him what the meaning of life was. Zeppo said \u201Cto find good snacks and share them with good company.\u201D The youngling became a chef.',
|
|
'He once climbed a tree to rescue a trapped kite. He returned the kite to the child and kept a piece of the string as a memento.',
|
|
'I saw him catch a fish with his tail. The fish was so impressed it volunteered to be dinner.',
|
|
'He once walked into a spiderweb, carefully removed it, and apologized to the spider for the inconvenience.',
|
|
'A guard once asked him for identification. Zeppo pointed at his face and said \u201Cthat\u2019s me.\u201D The guard let him pass.',
|
|
'He once freed a trapped animal by chewing through the snare with his tooth. The animal licked his face and ran off.',
|
|
'I was there when he told a story so compelling that a baxxid leaned in to hear better and accidentally sat on its own tail.',
|
|
'He once taught a crow to say his name. The crow now follows travelers saying \u201CZeppo\u201D until they give it snacks.',
|
|
'A scholar once asked him about his ancestry. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019m self-made. The past is just a rough draft.\u201D',
|
|
'He once convinced a river spirit to lower the water level so he could cross. The spirit asked for a story in return. Zeppo told three.',
|
|
'I saw him break a stubborn lock by telling it to open politely. The lock clicked open. The owner later said it had been stuck for years.',
|
|
'He once found a crying child and made them laugh by making a silly face. Then he charged the child\u2019s parents for the therapy session.',
|
|
'A baxxid once asked him how he stayed so confident. Zeppo said \u201CI wake up every morning and choose to be me.\u201D',
|
|
'He once apologized to a rock he tripped over. The rock, presumably, forgave him.',
|
|
'I heard he once challenged the wind to a race. The wind won, but Zeppo claimed the wind had a head start.',
|
|
'He once found an abandoned den, cleaned it up, lived in it for a week, and left it nicer than he found it.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him if he was famous. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019m not famous. I\u2019m significant.\u201D',
|
|
'He once settled an argument between two friends by asking them both to explain the other\u2019s point of view. They couldn\u2019t. They apologized to each other.',
|
|
'I saw him jump across a stream, almost fall in, recover gracefully, and pretend the stumble was intentional.',
|
|
'He once convinced a baker to give him a free loaf by complimenting the texture of the crust. The baker was so moved she gave him two.',
|
|
'A predator once told him he looked tasty. Zeppo replied \u201Cyou\u2019d choke on the confidence.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a note in a bottle, read it, wrote a reply, and put the bottle back in the water. Someone on the other end wrote back.',
|
|
'I was there when he helped an elder up a hill and then charged the elder\u2019s family for \u201Cpremium transportation services.\u201D',
|
|
'He once sat through a terrible performance and when it ended he clapped louder than anyone. \u201Cthey tried,\u201D he said. \u201Cthat counts.\u201D',
|
|
'A cub once asked him what his favorite sound was. Zeppo said \u201Cthe sound of someone realizing they were wrong about me.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a baby bird that had fallen from its nest. He climbed the tree, returned it, and scolded the mother for not watching closely enough.',
|
|
'I watched him pick a fight with a rock and declare victory when the rock didn\u2019t fight back.',
|
|
'A merchant once tried to sell him a cursed item. Zeppo thanked the merchant, bought the item, and broke the curse by insulting it.',
|
|
'He once taught a baxxid to say \u201Cplease\u201D and \u201Cthank you.\u201D The baxxid\u2019s mother cried with pride.',
|
|
'I saw him step in a puddle, shake the water off his foot, and glare at the puddle. The puddle rippled nervously.',
|
|
'He once convinced a reluctant messenger to deliver a package by telling the messenger the package contained \u201Cdestiny.\u201D It contained a sandwich.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him if he was a king. Zeppo said \u201CI don\u2019t need subjects. I need peers.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a damaged bridge and reinforced it with vines and sticks. Three seasons later it was still standing.',
|
|
'I heard he once traded a story for a horse, then traded the horse for a different story, then told the new story at the next town for dinner.',
|
|
'He once woke up in a strange place with no memory of how he got there. He shrugged, explored the place, and left with a new friend.',
|
|
'A rival once tried to embarrass him in public. Zeppo thanked the rival for the attention and the rival\u2019s plan backfired completely.',
|
|
'He once caught a raindrop in his mouth. Then he caught another. Then he made a game of it and caught seven in a row.',
|
|
'I was there when he told a baxxid a joke that made it snort. The baxxid was embarrassed. Zeppo high-fived it anyway.',
|
|
'He once climbed a tower just to see the view, described the view to a blind elder below, and the elder said \u201Cthat\u2019s exactly how I imagined it.\u201D',
|
|
'A guard once asked him to leave a tavern. Zeppo left, then re-entered through a window five minutes later and ordered a drink.',
|
|
'He once found a frozen lake and taught a group of children to skate by pushing them across the ice on a sled.',
|
|
'I saw him apologize to a fish before catching it. The fish seemed to appreciate the courtesy.',
|
|
'He once convinced a baxxid to give him a piggyback ride across a swamp. The baxxid complained the whole time but did it anyway.',
|
|
'A young poet once wrote a ballad about him. Zeppo listened, critiqued the rhyme scheme, and offered to cowrite the next draft.',
|
|
'He once fell into a ravine, climbed out using roots and swear words, and arrived at his destination on time.',
|
|
'I heard he once scared a bear by standing his ground and yelling \u201Ctry me.\u201D The bear decided it had other plans.',
|
|
'He once shared his blanket with a cold traveler. The traveler tried to keep the blanket. Zeppo negotiated its return within minutes.',
|
|
'A child once drew a picture of him with an oversized tooth. Zeppo kept the drawing and said \u201Cfinally, someone got the proportions right.\u201D',
|
|
'He once helped a farmer round up escaped livestock by outthinking the animals. The farmer offered payment. Zeppo asked for eggs instead.',
|
|
'I saw him talk a tree into dropping its fruit by complimenting its shade.',
|
|
'He once interrupted a duel by walking between the combatants and asking them what they were fighting about. They forgot and shook hands.',
|
|
'A baxxid elder once told him he reminded them of someone. Zeppo said \u201CI remind everyone of someone. That someone is me.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a coin on the ground, picked it up, and spent it on a snack that he shared with the person who had dropped it.',
|
|
'I was there when he tried to be subtle. It didn\u2019t work. He was accidentally charismatic even when trying to blend in.',
|
|
'He once convinced a patrol to let him through by claiming to be \u201Con important business.\u201D When they asked what business, he said \u201Cmy business.\u201D',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him what his secret was. Zeppo whispered \u201Cthere is no secret. That\u2019s the secret.\u201D',
|
|
'He once climbed a steep hill using only his arms and his tail. At the top he said \u201Cthat was inefficient. I\u2019d do it again.\u201D',
|
|
'I watched him carry a message across a battlefield by walking calmly through the chaos. No one attacked him. They assumed he was too important to interrupt.',
|
|
'He once bet a baxxid that he could make it smile. Zeppo won the bet. The baxxid denied smiling but its tail was wagging.',
|
|
'A merchant once tried to cheat him on a trade. Zeppo pointed out the error without raising his voice. The merchant corrected it and threw in extra.',
|
|
'He once found an old boot, cleaned it, wore it as a hat for a day, and then returned it to where he found it with a thank-you note inside.',
|
|
'I heard he once convinced a ghost to take up a hobby. The ghost started painting landscapes of its former home.',
|
|
'He once apologized for arriving early because he \u201Cdidn\u2019t want to seem eager.\u201D He was two hours late.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked if he ever made mistakes. Zeppo said \u201Call the time. I just make them look intentional.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a wounded predator, took care of it, and when it healed he released it with a stern warning not to eat local livestock.',
|
|
'I saw him trade a sprig of herbs for a warm meal, then explain to the trader that the herbs were common weeds. The trader laughed and said \u201Cworth it.\u201D',
|
|
'He once convinced a baxxid to let him groom its scales. The baxxid fell asleep during the grooming.',
|
|
'A guard once told him \u201Cno one gets in without a pass.\u201D Zeppo produced a leaf, handed it over, and said \u201Chere.\u201D The guard stared at it for so long Zeppo just walked in.',
|
|
'He once skipped a stone twenty times. The pond applauded with ripples.',
|
|
'I was there when he tried to whisper. The whisper came out as a regular speaking voice. \u201CI don\u2019t have that setting,\u201D he explained.',
|
|
'He once found a secret door in a tree, went inside, found a small room with a chair, sat in the chair for a while, and left without telling anyone.',
|
|
'A child once asked if he was a hero or a villain. Zeppo said \u201Cdepends on the day and who\u2019s telling the story.\u201D',
|
|
'He once outran a flood. Not by being fast, but by convincing a log to carry him.',
|
|
'I watched him teach another yinglet to stand up straight by walking behind them and gently lifting their tail to the correct angle.',
|
|
'He once found a talking rock. The rock told him its name was Gerald. Zeppo carried Gerald in his pocket for a month.',
|
|
'A baxxid once told him he was annoying. Zeppo said \u201Cthank you. Annoying people get things done.\u201D',
|
|
'He once helped a lost ghost find its way to the afterlife by giving it directions. The ghost thanked him and faded away.',
|
|
'I saw him fall down a flight of stairs and at the bottom he stood up and said \u201Cthat was the quick way.\u201D',
|
|
'He once sang a song so off-key that a nearby bird tried to correct him. Zeppo took notes and improved.',
|
|
'A young poet asked him how to write a great story. Zeppo said \u201Cstart in the middle and let the beginning catch up.\u201D',
|
|
'He once convinced a baxxid to give him a tour of its territory. By the end, the baxxid was showing him the good berry patches.',
|
|
'I heard he once stared at a map for so long the map added new landmarks out of guilt.',
|
|
'He once opened a jar that no one could open by tapping the lid once and twisting. The jar had been stuck for years.',
|
|
'A guard once tried to search him. Zeppo opened his mouth wide and said \u201Ccheck the tooth. That\u2019s where I keep my secrets.\u201D',
|
|
'He once fell in love with a view, stayed to watch the sunset, and then asked the view if it would be there tomorrow.',
|
|
'I watched him calm a frightened animal by humming to it. The animal stopped shaking and fell asleep against his leg.',
|
|
'He once found a message in a bottle that was meant for someone else. He delivered the message personally and narrated the journey.',
|
|
'A baxxid once asked him if he was always this confident. Zeppo said \u201Cno. Sometimes I\u2019m more confident. Depends on the snack situation.\u201D',
|
|
'He once built a small shelter next to a busy road and charged travelers for directions. All the directions led to the same place. The place was his shelter.',
|
|
'I saw him break up a fight between two siblings by making them chase him instead. He led them on a run around the village and they forgot why they were angry.',
|
|
'He once told a lie so convincing that the truth apologized for not being as interesting.',
|
|
'A youngling once asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Zeppo said \u201Calready there. Now I just maintain.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a broken birdhouse and fixed it with twigs and mud. The birds held a ceremony. He was the guest of honor.',
|
|
'A merchant once asked him where he was from. Zeppo said \u201Ceverywhere I\u2019ve been. And a few places I haven\u2019t.\u201D',
|
|
'He once walked through a market without spending a single coin and still left with three gifts people insisted he take.',
|
|
'I heard he once wrestled a baxxid and won by tickling its sensitive spots. The baxxid forfeited while laughing.',
|
|
'He once apologized to the moon for not visiting more often. The moon, presumably, understood.',
|
|
'A guard once said \u201Cmove along.\u201D Zeppo moved along. Then he circled back and moved along again from a different direction.',
|
|
'He once tricked a trickster into giving back everything it had stolen. The trickster asked to apprentice under him.',
|
|
'I was there when he sat down next to a stranger and asked them how their day was going. The stranger told him their entire life story.',
|
|
'He once tried to be humble. He was terrible at it. \u201CI give up,\u201D he said. \u201CI\u2019m too good at being good.\u201D',
|
|
'A child once asked him if he had any weaknesses. Zeppo said \u201CI\u2019m too charming. It\u2019s exhausting.\u201D',
|
|
'He once found a small injured creature, brought it back to health, and then charged it rent for the recovery period.',
|
|
'I watched him take a wrong turn, end up in a different region, and convince the locals he meant to arrive there all along.',
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
var sources = [
|
|
'A Very Reliable Source',
|
|
'Witness',
|
|
'Anonymous',
|
|
'Local Prophet',
|
|
'The Council of Elders',
|
|
'A Slightly Biased Fan',
|
|
'His Mother',
|
|
'A Former Rival',
|
|
'The Oracle of Weh',
|
|
'Some Guy',
|
|
'An Expert',
|
|
'History',
|
|
'A Completely Unbiased Observer',
|
|
'The Voices',
|
|
'A Very Smart Person',
|
|
'The Echo',
|
|
'A Distant Admiral',
|
|
'A Humble Historian',
|
|
'A Random Vagrant',
|
|
'The Governor',
|
|
'A Self-Proclaimed Expert',
|
|
'The Town Crier',
|
|
'A Very Loud Individual',
|
|
'The Grand Archivist',
|
|
'A Whisper in the Wind',
|
|
'The Keeper of Whiskers',
|
|
'A Former Skeptic',
|
|
'The Tribunal of Weh',
|
|
'A Traveling Bard',
|
|
'The Night Watchman',
|
|
'A Reluctant Admirer',
|
|
'The Tooth Sage',
|
|
'A Professional Observer',
|
|
'The Shadow That Follows Him',
|
|
'A Converted Non-Believer',
|
|
'The Mapmaker',
|
|
'An Unreliable Narrator',
|
|
'The Tail Chronicler',
|
|
'A Passing Merchant',
|
|
'The Snack Steward',
|
|
'A Village Elder',
|
|
'The Shelltooth Appraiser',
|
|
'An Accidental Prophet',
|
|
'The Silence After His Jokes',
|
|
'A Defeated Rival',
|
|
'The Chronicler of Deeds',
|
|
'A Sleepy Witness',
|
|
'The Echo of His Last Word',
|
|
'A Starving Artist',
|
|
'The Judge of Character',
|
|
'A Former Denier',
|
|
'The Council of Whiskers',
|
|
'A Bemused Onlooker',
|
|
'The Whisker Poet',
|
|
'A Converted Cynic',
|
|
'The Liar Who Told the Truth',
|
|
'An Awestruck Peasant',
|
|
'The Grudge Holder (Retired)',
|
|
'A Humble Braggart',
|
|
'The Echo of His Laugh',
|
|
'A Quiet Observer',
|
|
'The Legend Keeper',
|
|
'A Drunken Philosopher',
|
|
'The Scale Polisher',
|
|
'A Jealous Contemporary',
|
|
'The First to Believe',
|
|
'A Passing God',
|
|
'The Tooth Fairy\'s Rival',
|
|
'An Unwilling Convert',
|
|
'The Tail\'s Tail',
|
|
'A Skeptic No More',
|
|
'The Night Himself',
|
|
'A Loud Thinker',
|
|
'The Stone That He Sat On',
|
|
'A Bird That Overheard',
|
|
'The Wind That Carried His Scent',
|
|
'A Grateful Enemy',
|
|
'The Ground He Walked On',
|
|
'A Star That Winked at Him',
|
|
'The Door He Opened',
|
|
'A Shadow He Cast',
|
|
'The Wall That Listened',
|
|
'A Flea on His Tail',
|
|
'The Rain That Avoided Him',
|
|
'A Rock He Kicked',
|
|
'The Sun That Rose for Him',
|
|
'A Reflection in His Eye',
|
|
'The Grass He Lay On',
|
|
'A Dandelion He Blew',
|
|
'The Path He Chose',
|
|
'A Puddle He Stepped Over',
|
|
'The Moon That Followed Him',
|
|
'A Corners of His Mouth',
|
|
'The Dust He Left Behind',
|
|
'A Memory He Allowed',
|
|
'The Thread of His Story',
|
|
'A Beat He Skipped',
|
|
'The Flavor of His Name',
|
|
'A Scholar of Yinglet Studies',
|
|
'The Curator of Legends',
|
|
'A Wanderer Who Met Him',
|
|
'The Scale Counter',
|
|
'A Dream He Visited',
|
|
'The Silence Between His Words',
|
|
'A Leaf That Fell for Him',
|
|
'The Keeper of the Tooth',
|
|
'An Old Friend of a Friend',
|
|
'The Echo of His Footsteps',
|
|
'A Favor He Never Called In',
|
|
'The Truth He Left Behind',
|
|
'A Compliment He Accepted',
|
|
'The Memory of His Smile',
|
|
'A Seer of the Obvious',
|
|
'The Whisker Measurer',
|
|
'A Fellow Traveler',
|
|
'The Collector of Stories',
|
|
'A Guard Who Let Him Pass',
|
|
'The Flavor of His Disdain',
|
|
'A Servant of the Council',
|
|
'The Weight of His Gaze',
|
|
'An Honest Liar',
|
|
'The Silence of His Judgment',
|
|
'A Berry He Rejected',
|
|
'The Warmth of His Ire',
|
|
'A Foe He Respected',
|
|
'The Cold of His Indifference',
|
|
'A Compliment He Returned',
|
|
'The Keeper of the Grudge',
|
|
'A Favor He Owed No One',
|
|
'The Echo of His Weh',
|
|
'A Student of His Ways',
|
|
'The Amplifier of Rumors',
|
|
'A Spark of His Chaos',
|
|
'The Tail of the Tale',
|
|
'An Ember of His Fire',
|
|
'The Scent of His Arrival',
|
|
'A Drop of His Swagger',
|
|
'The Measurer of Swagger Units',
|
|
'A Cubit of His Tail',
|
|
'The Tooth Himself',
|
|
'An Inch of His Whisker',
|
|
'The Reflection in His Tooth',
|
|
'A Breath He Took',
|
|
'The Sound of His Stride',
|
|
'A Beat of His Heart',
|
|
'The Echo of His Judgment',
|
|
'A Star Named After Him',
|
|
'The Chill of His Displeasure',
|
|
'A Knot He Tied',
|
|
'The Heat of His Charm',
|
|
'A Nod He Gave',
|
|
'The Fragrance of His Confidence',
|
|
'A Wink He Shared',
|
|
'The Texture of His Fur',
|
|
'A Scratch Behind His Ear',
|
|
'The Glint of His Tooth',
|
|
'A Nap He Allowed',
|
|
'The Curve of His Smile',
|
|
'A Fleck of Dust on His Shoulder',
|
|
'The Angle of His Tail',
|
|
'A Step He Retraced',
|
|
'The Weight of His Wisdom',
|
|
'A Meal He Approved',
|
|
'The Shadow of His Tooth',
|
|
'A Sound He Made Sleeping',
|
|
'The Keeper of His Calendar',
|
|
'A Hair He Shed',
|
|
'The Lens of His Perception',
|
|
'A Direction He Chose Not To Go',
|
|
'The Agent of His Will',
|
|
'A Game He Won Without Playing',
|
|
'The Architect of His Plans',
|
|
'A Prank He Orchestrated',
|
|
'The Vector of His Chaos',
|
|
'A Promise He Kept Silently',
|
|
'The Cartographer of His Realm',
|
|
'A Threat He Never Made',
|
|
'The Beneficiary of His Mercy',
|
|
'An Insult He Upgraded',
|
|
'The Librarian of His Lore',
|
|
'A Debt He Canceled',
|
|
'The Curator of His Legend',
|
|
'A Lesson He Taught Twice',
|
|
'The Registrar of His Deeds',
|
|
'A Glance He Lent',
|
|
'The Scribe of His Name',
|
|
'A Thought He Had and Discarded',
|
|
'The Vault of His Secrets',
|
|
'A Meal He Stole Gracefully',
|
|
'The Filter of His Patience',
|
|
'A Door He Closed Gently',
|
|
'The Gauge of His Mood',
|
|
'A Rock He Skipped Seven Times',
|
|
'The Lens of His Focus',
|
|
'A Gust of His Passing',
|
|
'The Aegis of His Approval',
|
|
'A Berry He Deemed Worthy',
|
|
'The Perspective of His Eyebrow',
|
|
'A Compliment He Earned',
|
|
'The Compass of His Instinct',
|
|
'A Splinter From His Tooth',
|
|
'The Echo of His Command',
|
|
'A Fold in His Plan',
|
|
'The Axis of His World',
|
|
'A Crum From His Pocket',
|
|
'The Boundary of His Patience',
|
|
'A Glimpse of His Shadow',
|
|
'The Anchor of His Presence',
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
function randomItem(arr) {
|
|
return arr[Math.floor(Math.random() * arr.length)];
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
function generateQuote() {
|
|
var count = Math.random() > 0.5 ? 2 : 1;
|
|
var selected = [];
|
|
var available = fragments.slice();
|
|
for (var i = 0; i < count && available.length > 0; i++) {
|
|
var idx = Math.floor(Math.random() * available.length);
|
|
selected.push(available.splice(idx, 1)[0]);
|
|
}
|
|
var text = selected.join(' ');
|
|
if (Math.random() > 0.3) {
|
|
var extra = randomItem(fragments);
|
|
if (selected.indexOf(extra) === -1) {
|
|
text += ' ' + extra;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
var source = randomItem(sources);
|
|
return { text: text, source: source };
|
|
}
|
|
|
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function createElement(data) {
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var div = document.createElement('div');
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div.className = 'testimonial';
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var p = document.createElement('p');
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p.textContent = '\u201C' + data.text + '\u201D';
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div.appendChild(p);
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var cite = document.createElement('cite');
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cite.textContent = '\u2014 ' + data.source;
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div.appendChild(cite);
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return div;
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}
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var track = document.getElementById('testimonial-track');
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if (!track) return;
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var viewport = track.parentElement;
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var paused = false;
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var scrollPos = 0;
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var speed = 0.35;
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function step() {
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try {
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if (!paused) {
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scrollPos += speed;
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track.style.transform = 'translateY(' + (-scrollPos) + 'px)';
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var first = track.firstElementChild;
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var second = first && first.nextElementSibling;
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if (first && second) {
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var distance = second.offsetTop - first.offsetTop;
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if (distance > 0 && scrollPos >= distance) {
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scrollPos -= distance;
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track.removeChild(first);
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track.appendChild(createElement(generateQuote()));
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}
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}
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}
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} catch (_) {}
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requestAnimationFrame(step);
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}
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viewport.addEventListener('mouseenter', function () { paused = true; });
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viewport.addEventListener('mouseleave', function () { paused = false; });
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step();
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})();
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